In less than two weeks I have heard the horrible sounds of “get out!” crushing my spirit. The first was a mistake of sarcasm, one so innocent, but apparently touching on a sore spot that ran so deep the owners reaction was to throw me out of the store. This seemingly nice man was horrific, angry and frightening, tearing up my payment for his service and stating I was trespassing and to get out. I was shocked. I first thought “this is a joke”, it has to be. But he again threw those words at me. I cried all the way home–10 minutes never took so long.

My husband came to the rescue, calling up the man, who said he was about to call and apologize. Then stating he had a horrible “past life” and he “just snapped.” I concluded two things – one: sarcasm, no matter how innocent, can have toxic and violent reactions and two: no matter how you don’t like what someone says to you – you are responsible for your own actions. No one can “make” you react to your anger–that is your sole responsibility.

Unfortunately, today, I again heard the onslaught of verbal abuse and I am ashamed to say I responded. Not the Christian response, but defensive. Unfortunately, the return of insults was so cutting and deep, far beyond my inappropriate choice of words, that I feel betrayed and utterly crushed – far worse than my removal from a strangers establishment. This pain was from a loved one, and completely devastating. The enemy knew how to crush my spirit.

I know God is still with me, and though disappointed, He is still here. Yet, I cannot explain the failure I feel, the utter disappointment, the extreme hurt. I don’t know how Job ever survived.